Saturday, 6 June 2015

A year ago

A year ago.. Friday June 6th started as a normal day for so many people, but it wasn't a normal day at the end. It changed a lot for Meg and our family but also for many other people. It started very early for me, getting up at 7 to continue working on wedding flowers. Janna joined me when I was going to deliver them. Meg was stil sleeping as they both had a day off from school as the school was closed. After delivering the flowers Janna and me went into Heerlen to buy new summer cloths for her. After lunch time we walked into a McDonalds for a milkshake, I stil remember the girl behind the couter asked if I was willing to buy a bracelet to support the Ronald McDonald houses in the NL. I bought 2 bracelets and we went home. Not realising I was going to stay in 3 of these houses since then. Back home Meg already left with her bicycle and her neigbour friend to the swimmingpool in the next village. The weather was sunny and her Hockey training was cancelled so she would be back at 18:00h. She never came home.

Janna called a friend and she I took them to the swimmingpool by car as Janna was too young to cycle without an adult. They were going to be picked upby the other mother as I was going to help in "Kasteelpark Born" (a zoo ) where they organised a dreamnight for families with disabled or sick children. I  was going to  be a voluenterer and felt with them. So I took a basket with my equipment and my camera and I took off,  ready to make kids happy. It started and when there was a calm moment I felt the urge to check my Phone. I had 6  or 7 missed calls from my husband and my family , sisters. brother's in law and even spoken messages. I didnot dare to listen to the message of My husband, even now I hesitate to listen to invoice messages.  I descided to call the last one whom called me, my sister Stannie. She said : "Kim Meg has had a car accident and it is bad, not good. They are talking about a Trauma helicopter....  Where are you? " I am in Born I replied... wait til some one picks you up. I said NO. I'll drive myself as that is faster as waiting ... so I took my stuff and informed the other felters, telling I had to go as my daughter was in an accident, they were shocked too, not knowing what to do or say;  just drive carefull! And that was something I did. I had a mantra: "Please Meg don't die you are strong, wait for me I'll be there soon. "Telling myself not to drive too fast no need to get involved in another accident. I stil remember a car keeping strict to the speedlimit.... so frustrating... but it avoided me getting a bill for going too fast...
At the hospital I drove into the carparkingbuilding at the same moment my two others sisters and Janna were passing me while driving to Emergency... I knew the way inside the hospital to get to the emergency. There me, Janna, my parents and my sisters, arrived at the same moment. We were taken to a seperate family room, where Armand was already there, he came along with the ambulance as he was at the accident site before the ambulance arrived. A doctor, named " drs.Engel"  = Angel  came in and told us that Meg was very critical injured and the chances were big she wasn't going to make it. I wanted to see her, could not believe it. We were taken to her in that special trauma room. unbelievable to see her laying there, eyes closed, wounds, tubes  a brainpressure pin in her head and lines everywhere. She was taken to the PICU and we were told the first 24 hrs were crusual to know if she would make it or not. We took turns in staying with her, Armand, her father, my mother, my father, Erik, my brotherin law. I think I laid down for only 4hrs or so, giving my body rest. Feeling so helpness. People all over the world starting lighting a candle for you, I believe no hour was without a flame for you.

They told us the brainpressure would rise after 24 hrs as that is the time a body needs to react to a crash. On Saturday the monitor showed us loads of things  Also that the brainpressure was increasing, something we were hoping and praying for not to happen. In the eve, the chirgeon talked with us, there was only one option: surgery, remove part of her skull go give way to the swallowing brains. When wil this surgery take place we asked? they said right after we walk out this door. Meg was already prepared to be transported to the surgeryrooms. I talked to meg telling her it is your choice to stay in this life, You must decide if you want to live in this body, which might not be doing the same as before, I let you go if you want to go. I love you but don;t want to hold you here if your time is up.  When you came back it was a succesful surgery, as the brainpressure was now more normal. But stil you were not in the safety zone... after 9 weeks PICU, you were placed in the Mediumcare section where you stayed 7 weeks, then we took of for 14 weeks to the Leijpark centre in Tilburg. And from December 18th you are staying in Adelante in Houthem- Valkenburg.

You came more far as the docs back then in the hopsital predicted. I do believe it is also due to the fact you were never really alone during daytime, I was with you most of the time, same as your grandmother and grandfather also your aunts and friends of us came and helped. A few weeks ago you asked where I was sleeping while you were in the hospital, I told you I was never far from you as I stayed in a Ronald mc Donald house conected to the hospital and same in Tilburg and now same in Houthem... you smiled now knowing I was always close to you dear Meg. Trying to give Janna some attention as wel, often feeling bad about not being able to split in two...

lefttop picu, lighting candles in the chapel of the hospital,
left down first MediumCare room, first room in Leijpark
I just looked back into the many pictures I took during your recovery until now. I am truely so proud of you the way you stil fight to learn the things again. Seeing the short films about you opening your eyes, smiling for the first time, keeping your head straight, turning over, moving your toe, pressing a button... and now just since a few weeks ago standing on your feet now and then, when making the transfer from bed to wheelchair. Everything stil takes lots of energy, but your willpower has never left you. <3 <3  <3
I try to stay as possitive as possible, looking back and wishing things were different doesnot help. That is not the energy we need. Looking too much in future is also not good as future is also as open as can be. It is what you make if it yourself. I need to remember that and keep trust in that things wil be fine. Trust in finding a place to live suitable for you, trust in getting a steady income again, trust to keep getting help, trust in finding a new life rhytm and landing in my emotions.
a picture made last week firts time you were wearing a headband again,
 you looked a lot like before <3
This evening Saturday June 6th 2015 we are going to celebrate life, by going to a concert from your percussionband group. A late in the evening visit for you, I really hope you wil enjoy it as you are looking forward to it for such a long time. Seeing and hearing your father and other people in your band play. Hope it wil do you good, I think you nowadays realise more and more what you cannot do anymore...

Last week we got good news! From this Monday June 8th you are going to be taking part in school again. a special school for children with special needs. For 1,5 hr a day between your therapy's. I do hope it is as expected for you. you really miss your freinds alot. Whom would have thought that you now were going back to school?  I am proud to be your and Janna's mother.

For Janna things are not easy as wel. She tries to get on with her life too, but she also misses you Meg and  me not being around at home. I love seeing you both lay together in bed and making fun like before, teasing each other, Love you dear Janna <3 <3 <3


  1. I can't believe it's been a year already!
    I do believe that you have the right attitude Kim... and that healthy stubborness that keeps you going and moving forward. And that is contagious. Meg feels it. Does it as well.
    I'm really glad she has come this far and I do belive she has a long way to go, but that things will be ok.
    As for you... I think by now you should see your path in something like an art therapist or something. Combining your creativity and knowledge of all crafty things with your experience, patience and love for teaching... you could be of great help to other people. A guide to others.
    I send you gals all the love. And I hope to see you soon!

  2. Dear Kim , thank you for the details of the early days. You break my heart then uplift me with your positive, in the moment. My love & prayers to all of you and special hugs for Janna.

  3. Every parent's nightmare happened to you on that day. You have written so beautifully about your family's journey from then to now. Best wishes to Meg and her continued recovery!

  4. You're such a positive force, Kim. Even through those terrible times you went through, you still give strength and hope to others.

  5. Dear Kim: Yes, it's true you have lived a mother's nightmare as maggie b says.. a year has passed..and I wish for you all continued recovery, love and support in this next one... I continue to admire and be touched by your sharing with us...

  6. Lieve Kim; je woorden , geschreven met zoveel gevoel van verdriet, pijn, zorgen, warmte, liefde, dankbaarheid, raken mij, en zeker ook heel veel anderen, diep in de ziel. De ironie wil dat jij juist op deze dag, de 6 juni 2014, je steun betuigde aan de Ronald Mc Donald-huizen met het kopen van 2 armbandjes en dat je later op diezelfde dag als vrijwilliger ging vilten met gehandicapte e/o zieke kinderen, in onwetend dat jouw leven na deze dag juist in het teken zouden staan van beide! Met diep respekt en volle bewondering voor jou en je hele familie heb ik jullie het hele jaar gevolgd. Ook mijn diepe bewondering voor Janna en de manier hoe zij ermee omgegaan is en mee omgaat; haar grote zus bijna verliezen, bij Meg zijn, famlie opgedeeld sinds een jaar terug, dagelijkse leven oppakken met school, vrienden en aktiviteiten.

    Je positieve instelling, je kreativiteit, je liefdevolle en accepterende houding is jouw kracht Kim! En met die kracht besmet je en heb je anderen besmet, en zeker Meg. Het is zo prachtig om te lezen dat Meg nu al na een jaar naar school zal gaan en dat ze een paar voorzichtige stapjes heeft gezet.

    Heel veel liefs en knuffel van Esther ♥

  7. My dear Kim, I follow through you for some years. Last year was a sad year but with your positive and Meg's strength it turned to a miracle. I'm glad to see Meg's recovery. I've confident she will become more capable. Keep up Meg.


Hi I love to hear from you! please leave a comment in the box below.