Wednesday, 20 May 2015


Dear Meg and Janna, 
Last Sunday, May 17th, we had a selfmade dinner and lots of laughter, I loved seeing you two having fun like before. You both helped cutting the vegetables and adding everything to the dough to make pizza. Then you both went off to the playroom to use the PC's there,,, I was the one cleaning up everything, while listening to your discussions, Janna talking a lot and Meg using her speaking computer. The pc's didn;t work but you managed to use it in a different way
You both helped setting the table for dinner outside. Meg carrying it on her wheelchairtable and Janna assisting and running to collect what was forgotten. The Pizza was great!

You discussed it  as it wasn't a pizza anymore but maybee more a cake. Then meg came up with a new word for it: PI-ART. (a combo from Pizza  and Taart= cake). I was amazed by her 'invention'. Janna suggetsed something you sould type and let hear and she started drinking something, Meg was so fast doing what she asked, pressing the speaking button, Janna wanted to laugh but couldn't as her mouth was full with water... hilarious moments :) :)

I was happy so see this again as in the morning Meg was little down, she didn;t want to sit in her electrical wheelchair, didn;t want to use the controller. For my body that chair is better as the normal wheelchair, which has to be pushed. we agreed I would do the crontoller thing and we went off to the Ronaldmc Donald Kindervallei, as there was going to be a sing and dance performance from kids from Meerssen. We sat front row and had home make cake with strawberries. It was emotional for me, sitting there, holding your hand... knowing a year ago you would have been able to do things like that too. Again a nice moment when the conductor told the next song was the most polular song ever from Disney. if anyone knew the anser? A boy said Lion king, but you were already typing your answer: Frozen. And  put your hand up in the air. so you were next to answer. Fronzen was right and if you also knew / had an idea which song?? 'Let it go' you typed and said. Correct!! Your smile was great to see <3
After the performance it was time for your lunch in the clinic so i took you back. After your naptime i was coming again to take you again to the ronaldmcdonald. Jacqueline and her daughter came and we went for a walk outside this clinic park. We walked to the other side of the small river and sat ona terrace there buying some ice. Janna and her freind went of to play in the playhouse and you sat with us. you asked for a snack, but I said no, we wil make pizza later. I think the chef in the kitchen 'heard' you as suddenly a waitress came with a huge pile of 'bitterballen' a small snakc for everyone sitting at the terrace, so there you got 3 balls :) she came for a second round  and so you got 6 in total, Lucky you :) I thought nice compensation she had to sit and the other kids were runnign and playing around.
Time to walk back and say goodbye to our visiters, it was a nice afternoon. Hoped it cheered you up. 

On Monday we had to go and let us infrom about a wheelchairvan. Not a car as you need to be able to fit while sitting up in your electrical wheelchair. Many possibilities, but what to chose?? An advice wil be send to the insurance and if they agree we can start looking for a second hand Van. For me scary to know we wil be using this Van for at least 7 years before we can get a different one if this one doesn't suit. What if we go on vacation? what kind of supplies / assisting equipments do we need for you? how much space does it take? is it easy to find a parkinglot at the supermarket? The Van wil be long... or litle shorter depending on our choise,  what about fuel using average? so many questions to keep in mind, bah. How to descide? After that appointment Janna had an appointment so picking her up, to teh doc, waiting there , taking her back to school.. driving , driving, driving sigh. back to Meg, prepare dinner, eat, back to Meg tuck her in and then when i was in my room it was 21.30. I fell asleep immediately.

Tuesday morning you send me a  what's app to get your schoolresults from home, So I picked them up and we went thought it together. I told you when you had the accident and were in the Intensive Care all your classmates and teacher did a meditation for you, Making a circle , thinking of you  laying in bed in the middle of that circle. Focussing on you for recovery. We both had to cry.  you  thought no one cared, but they did Meg all of them even the boys! We also found a nice drawing and wish from you from 2 years ago, you wishing everyone having friends and getting attention from them, as you felt lonely... two years ago you felt like that and now again. so sad to see. You asked me to post it on Facebook and make an invitation of it. So i did, then I had to go again two important appointments. I came back after your nap and I was happy to tell you you had reactions to the fb thing. We couldn;t check as you also had therapy, I discussed with the fysio people about possibilities  in wheelchair etc. then dinnertime for you (and me , but not together) in the evening I was very pleased and happy to be able to tell you 3 freinds contacted me and are coming this Saturday . You smiled and typed: My message did work :)  I know how lonely you feel Meg, I sometimes feel very lonely too and I know that that is also due to myself, I mean i just sometimes don;t know how to plan it all, how can it fit into my busy week? and when I think Oh I have time it is mostly too late to call someone ...    I am a bad planner, I don't wear a watch and I cannot oversee longer as a week now.

Anyway today a new day with again 2 appointments, the one in the evening is nice: working with floral materials, a meeting once a month. Looking forward to that. Now Ibetter get dressed or i'll get a message on my phone again from you.. ' Mummy you can come, I am ready you are too late.... '

Ps. How time flies.... I stil want to blog about Scotland, but I noticed it was already more than nearly 7 weeks ago. I had problems with my tablet and internet connection. sometimes I was happy for it as socialmedia or blogging was just too much at some days. I don't even read a paper or watch tv, no time.... and sometimes it totally frustrated me as I had to answer mails and pay bills doing such things with my phone is not comfortable for me. Anyway, that was why i didn;t blog.


  1. Lovely to read about the sisters having fun together.
    Sorry to read you both have your lonely moments in this.
    Big hugs for all.


  2. Thank you for sharing your daily life with us - the highs & the lows. I wish there was a way to make life easier. Maybe make an appointment with yourself - just for you. Nurture yourself whenever possible. Love & light to all of you.

  3. thank you Cate , I know i have to take care of myself too, but i am just not good in asking someone's help...

  4. What a lovely story about the girls! Asking help can be to much trouble too. Hard to explain to friends! One thing that can help after getting used to all the "have to's" is constantly trying to focus on making things easier. We know Scotland was great for you, I also know that coming back needs all your attention again. And writing about the freedom of Scotland kan also brings grief of all the things you lost. Soooooo, don't write! it's OK! we love you and like to hear about you, but if you need of line time take it! <3 so, another ritual that helped me for a while: take a simple notebook in the evening and write down in only 5 minutes 3 blessings, even the smallest en obvious things (roof, running water.....if you are to tired for it) I did it for a while and it helped me. You might ad 1 thing somebody else could have done for you if you thought about it before. For Help: I make a small box with jobs for my studio help. Prepare the work for her, and if she comes I can just give her the box. Can you please do this for me?...........One other tip is, if I have to drive to a place for the kids and the time is to short to go home in between I go to a nice place (for me it is Villa Augustus, the kids go to school in Dordrecht.) And drink a latte and read and write in my notebook......or just stare at people...Hope you can pick one thing that fits you to feel less are not really lonely, you are overwhelmed and FEEL lonely. <3


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