Sunday, 22 March 2015

Limited week?

Last few weeks were like a rolllercoaster again for me. We celebrated Meg's "Birth"day (9 months after the accident) on Friday and Saturday. Saturday was with the whole family together, I thought one group of people for half an hour is less intense as every 10 minutes 2 new people, asking the same etc. So after her afternoon nap at 15:00 h. I stayed in the main hall from the McDonaldshouse and my parents and sisters plus their children came in. A self baked cake was brought in by my mother, others helped with glasses, plates etc.  Then Meg arrived in her wheelchair smiling from ear to ear.

 She loved seeing us all together, 8 adults and 11 children...  We blew the candles and she opened presents. Enjoying it to the fullest. She even asked me when is my friends birthdayparty? I said just wait til your next real birthday in September, then we wil do a freinds party too...

After the kids had eaten their cake they went outside. First day with a lot of sun and temperature of 16 degrees Celsius. Thank you all for whom send a nice card to her,. She got them on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday too.

On Monday I cycled Janna to school. Houthem- Meerssen- Bunde and the same way back to be with Meg again. I cycled this route too on Sunday. A good initiativ for my condition I thought... but  my goodness cycling for an hour,,, I did feel my untrained/ used muscles . However I planned to keep doing so.... Until that Tuesday March 10th. when we left later as planned, as Janna needed to be convinced we had to cycle, no car around. It was raining and cold but we stepped on our bicycles and we arrived at school. where I wanted to check again what time it was... but no phone where i put it back... I lost it!!! So I immediately cycled the same way back even on the wrong side of the street. nothing to be seen.. When I came back, wet and cold, I first called my own number, hoping someone wil answer it... nothing.. I warned family and blocked my simcard. I called the police and they said it is now task of the townhall office. Posted a message on fb and it was shared many times, but without luck :( I didn't have more time as at 11 o'clock Meg was finally getting her first swimmingpool session!   I helped her with her swimmingsuit and she was so happy, she was finally able to enjoy being in a swimmingpool. It helped me forget the disasterous morning. She used her right arm and leg like it used to be, but left wasn't moving much. However when she had to do as if she was cycling she was able to move both legs. Then back to reality...The pictures and films about last few weeks were lost... such a pity and a worry too, as they are very personal, what if the finder adds them to internet etc? Bah I felt sick of it and restless as no one was able to contact me.... no phone.... I expected calls from the lawyer and docter. On thurday I descided to buy a new cheap phone and a new prepaid number, just to be available again. On Monday 17th I received my new simcard with old number, installed it and was back available with my own old number  a good thing :) . I lost all phone numbers I had, from family, freinds, but also the doctors, therapists etc..., .

But during that same week I also had to move out the appartment here in the mcdonaldshouse, going back into a room as they had  many bookings for vacation in the appartement. So Wednesday I packed some,Thursday en Friday moved all. Meanwhile Janna got sick again too. This week was a limited one I hope.

Tuesday March 17th, the Birthday of my mother, but also my school and me planned a say goodbye meeting for my colleques and me. It was not something I was looking forward too. As saying goodbye is not easy for me, and  I love teaching but was in doubt what is right to do. Some students I have are not the easiest ones and  in the last year before Meg's accident there were "signs" on my path. But in my case now all with Meg I couldn't see myself teaching again ,,, It was a bittersweet afternoon. Knowing it is the right thing to do, but on other hand so much uncertain things now for future. Having no job means, getting an income from gouvernment, but with the task to hunt for a new job at least 4 times a month. It also means I cannot buy a house in future as income is too uncertain for a bank to give mortage,  Many uncertain things, but I try to think and live only in the present, today.... Anyway the meeting was a good one, it was good we did so. Many colleques came and it was nice talking to them again.some became really good freinds during the 10 years I worked there. Again a turning point in  my life...
Meg is since this week able to make her own bread in the morning, She uses a special kind of plate with knots at 2 sides, so the slice of bread cannot be pushed off that plate. She also got a borrowed electrical wheelchair to see if she was able to use it well. And she did! ofcourse she needs some more practice and after two days using it for half an hour she complained about pains in her back = A sign she needs to start using her muscles there again. to keep sitting straight :)

The week was passed by in an eyeblink and when the therapist wish us a nice weekend! I think no weekend for me not a huge difference with a normal day other as I am allowed to go to Meg the whole day. On Saturdaymorning I organised music therapy for Meg, which she loves. So visit can only come after her afternoon rest, but even then she needs to stand on the standing table.. sigh , for me sometimes so hard to plan visit...  so please bare me when i don;t reply to your request for a visit to Meg immediately. ..  not only Meg needs her rest..... :-)

Well this post is now long enoug, I better keep it this way and besides that time to go back to Meg again.. Bye til next post!

Ps. Wifi connection is sometimes a disaster here... just so you know.

Friday, 6 March 2015

A special Day

A few weeks ago, a nurse said to Meg, some nice trousers you got there!! Meg was smiling and I said, Yes she got them for her Birthday September 12th... I noticed Meg was watching a bit confused??Birthday???  I can completely understand why she was so confused as back then in September 2014 I had a problem... My family and friends wanted to come and celebrate Meg's birthday in the hospital, but  even the afternoon before the 12th I couldn't tell anything about that Friday the 12th, when family and freinds should come  etc. ... for me it was like a black unknown time. When I went to go for dinner I walked into the neurosurgeon and he said , "Yes, I am on my way to  Meg. I want to check her wound on her head if it was healed properly, so less chances on Infections...  as I suddenly have a free timespace in the operation room tomorrow. I replied: ohh that would be such a fantastic gift for her Birthday "  even the other doctor remembered me saying, I don;t care when this churgery takes place, even if it is on her birthday for heaven's sake we waited long enoug for it due to that wound don;t let a birthday be a stand-in -the -way. And my words became a profety, On September 12th , her 13th Birthday she came back from a 3 hours operation  just before the time she was born 13 years ago. She was complete again. Everything which belonged in her body, all the bones, it was there. I descided to postphone her party to a later moment where she would be able to take actively part in.

So that talk about the trousers reminded me back to that thinking of me back then. Meg and me descided  March 6th 2015 is a perfect day to celebrate her 13th birthday. As that is also the day nine months after the accident. A baby is also 9 months in a mum's body. And then a mother need to share her precious baby with the father and the rest of the world. It is the start of helping her baby develop in a happy person with selfesteem and a person whom can survive in this world.

Coincidently or not, from last Monday onwards we were told to give Meg the full possibilities  to focus on her rehabilitation. With other words we have to take a step back..... Meg and me are a team , she watched the clock and towards her brace and I asked the nurses: At what time was her brace attached to her arm??? Most often they said on on ... time. oh that is 4 hrs ago, it can be taken off.
Meg needs to learn also ask others and I need to learn to trust the people whom take care of her now when I am not there anymore. The new dayscedule was giving me only 2 hrs a day visiting time per day! I bet you all can imagine I was completely lost Monday and Tuesday. I cried in the afternoon, during the night and also in the morning. It was an abrupt change and it didn't feel good to me, also as I wasn;t able to explain it myself to Meg.... I called the doctor for a talk  (took my mother along for backup) and he explained why they want us to take a step away from Meg. I can find myself in his arguements, but 2 hrs a day is nearly nothing compared to the 7-8 hrs . So he asked what would feel good for me? I said be there in the mornings and come back in the evening. Also rules for visiters are more strict now, only on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday eve and in the weekend with max 2 persons at a time. I need to keep an eye on what Meg can handle, She looks  good and has fun when visit comes, but afterwards she is often exhausted. When I think it wil be a visit which asked a lot from her I don;t plan any other visiters anymore in that weekend. So to all whom want to visit Meg, please be patient a visit moment for you wil come eventually. Send her a card if you want, She will love it!

Meg Nijsten
p/a Adelante
kliniek de Valkhorst
Onderste straat 29
6301 KA Valkenburg a/d Geul
The Netherlands

It was also on that same Monday late eve my sister reacted to a link I placed on my facebook wall about a very special place in South of Scotland. I posted  I was dreaming/ doubting of going there to do voluntering work in the gardens. She wrote I think it would do you so good. I am Sponsoring 10 Euro, whom follows??  In half a day time she messaged me think you got the money and now you HAVE to go ;-) It made me cry again, but this time tears of gratitude and joy, that people some I even never met gave money for me to have a time out for myself. You know even thinking of me being there brings tears to my eyes. Feels like the afterbirth tears, all mothers will recognise :-) I wil definitely miss Janna and Meg and I think when I am there I'll be most probably crying for few days...  but I also know I need this too for myself  I'll hopefully come back with new energy .

But first tomorrow a day with presents for Meg. And some treats for the other children and nurses, She is soo looking forward to it, Janna and me bought a dress for her, It wil be her first dress she actually wears, ever since. As she wants to wear festive cloths tomorrow we gave it to her this evening, so the nurses can dress her in the morning,


As and exemption we are allowed to take her from 15h  to the nearby RonaldMc Donald house but with the advice of Max 2 pers. at a time. Which we wil try to follow, ofcourse.

Now bedtime for me, as an exciting day ahead for all of us, Let's celebrate life as it comes!!