Sunday, 25 January 2015

a snowy weekend

I don't think I am a very special person, I mean I have a certain way of dealing with situations, but to me that is as normal as breathing. Every person is unique in his or her way! Talking with people they tell, me you are so strong and special! That  makes me humble as I am just who I am... Raised this way and combined with all my life experiences so far. I strongly believe nothing happens without a reason, but do we need to know this reason? Not necessarily to have a happy life I think. Worrying about the things happening takes energy and when energy is low it is too much. So better to leave searching for that answer til better energy level is there or just after a period is passed.
 Looking back at things from a distance gives clearer answers as while being in a situation.  I have time and patience, no need to get answers now. Time will tell.

Yesterday again someone told me you are in such difficult situation, how can you handle everything?  I said I keep seeing small happy moments and enjoy the fact Meg is still alive. She is the reason I don't give up. She needs support as without any support why would she even try to get better?  I also said I can handle it as I always think it always could have been worse, I mean being a refuge, leaving house and country with only what you are wearing, or being a victim of a disaster of nature. I met other people in the three different Ronald mcDonald houses and everyone of us has a story with our child. I cannot say "my story is far worse as yours" to any of them.... I think when a person cannot have any empathy for someone elses situation. You are becoming an egoist. By sharing you will get more, more empathy,more help, more understanding and it makes you feel better too.

This weekend was again one with visits of family and friends (Whitney). We took you out in the snow few times yesterday and today. I build 2 snowmen infront of your window and your sister Janna and niece Laura and nephew Lucas build few more. You were laughing when they started throwing snowballs to you... You were stil sitting inside warm and cosy :)

Meg was here too... ;-)

In the evening Janna added a head, but it started melting already........

Sunday morning , Janna and me took you outside. Still cold. The snow was frozen again and pushing a wheelchair wasn;t that easy, but for you it also was hard work. Your head was bumping with every small obstacle under your wheels. I never realised how uneven a pavement can be until I pushed you for the first time, last summer, while you were in the hospital. Inside the floor were even and smooth, but coming outside... pff. even when it looked straight and without and "holes" to me,  your head was moving all the time. I always tried to place you more horizontal as then your head wasn't so heavy and rest better on your headsupport. Back to the winterday we had today... it was frozen and spots where no one had walked were easy, but the other places... I tried to use the same track as the one you left yesterday. We had a short stop inside in the Ronald McDonald house, you wanted to check facebook, but you forgot your password and we never knew it  :(

I can advice any parent, ask you children to write it down somewhere.... best also check once a month or so their accounts together with them.  I also realised that it is a modern problem nowadays... when someone dies  and the family doesn't know the passwords an account wil stay forever on the net.... how confronting is that???  I have skype and whenever I use it I see Meg online....  knowing she couldn't ...

In the afternoon I surprised Janna, last year she was part of the guard of eleven from the local Carnaval group. Today was the day they reveal a new guard and a new prince and princess. They say goodbye to the old guard. She didn't knew i was coming too, so when I showed up she was quite surprised and happy. It was good to meet people again and it was a pity I had to go back to Meg again.  Our nephew Chris was now in the new guard but the new prince and princess weren't revealed yet...  Meg was happy to see me, I had a carnavals flag for her with me bought by her father.

As dinner was served later she came with the plan to give her a bath. My mother and I helped and she was really enjoying it. Relaxing in a bath, normally twice a week a shower. Her friends Naomi and Rosalie came,  played a card game together Meg smiling.   I hope she sleeps well this night.

1 comment:

  1. I think at this time, feeling sorry for yourself and thinking the situation is terrible would drain more energy then focusing on the good things would. It would drain positive energy and leave you empty, not able to help Meg. Now indeed is not the time to wonder about the why, or float away of the present because you are too busy in your mind. Now is the time to be in the present. Ofcourse there are moments to reflect, to stop and stand still, ponder things, but those should not overshadow the actions and thoughts in the present. Else you'd become a "kluizenaar"(a hermit?) in mind - detached from the world around you.
    When your house is on fire and you are still in it and have burnt yourself, survival instinct kicks in. You're not going to sit and cry that your body hurts terribly - no, you get out of that house as fast as possible, with all your hurt. When outside of the situation, when you are safe, then you can break down. You are still in surviving mode, and hard times will still come. Not because it doesn't go well with Meg, but because it does go well with Meg, because then you have time to stop and think. People don't ask anymore, or visit, as Meg isn't considered injured anymore. Meg isn't going to be a victim of an accident for the rest of her life I hope. I hope she is more then that, she's a person, she's Meg, not only a victim whom everyone takes pity on. She'll not be an average teenager or the teenager she would be, but she is going to be teenager Meg, who also like other teens like to take instagram selfies.
    When that time comes, it will be survival again, but then survival of your own thoughts, survival of the feeling of being lost.
    We'll be here for you then too.

    Done with the philosophical stuff now....
    Was lovely to see Meg smiling next to the snowmen!
    About the passwords: There are online services, digital safes / digital testimonies. You can make an account, store your passwords there, make a digital testament, (meaning that you can say who gets access to which accounts, and which accounts should be deleted/closed if something happens to you.) You'd only have to notify someone about this service, or put it in a real testament.
    A step before that, storing passwords: I use keepass, a program to store passwords. My partner knows the mainpassword, so he has access to it and could take action.
    Enough talking now!
    I hope you sleep well too :)


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