Imagination

When Meg was in the PICU in the hospital I started making pictures with my digital camera (DSLR?)  I stil remember my husband whispering "you cannot do so, it is a hospital ..." I had that huge camera with me as it was a tool I used on daily bases. I had it with me as I was voluenteering in an animalpark. They organised a special"dreamnight" evening for disabled children and their family.... I was felting with the kids there in the section from the sheep. Friends were spinning, carding wool, shaving a sheep and I was wetfelting with 2 other ladies. After one session it was little calmer and I suddenly had the urge to check my phone.... 8 missed calls from my husband and other family members.... (I stil do not dare to listen to the voicemails of my phone, so don;t leave a message I'll not listen to it... )

I didn';t dare to call back my husband, afraid to keep him from taking care or something... so I called my sister. She told me: "Kim, Something happened with Meg a car accident and not good, They talked about an ambulance helicopter, you need to come.... Shall I pick you up? Where are you? "  I was in a place called Born approximately 40 minutes drive from our place. I said no I cannot wait til you are here, I'll drive myself. I grabbed my bag and camera and told the others my daughter was in danger and rushed off to my car. The only thing I was thinking during the drive was "donnot drive too hard, no need for another accident I need to arrive in that hospital to be there for Meg and Meg stay alive ! "  While I was waiting for the parkingticket to come out and an open gate for the parkinglot, My sisters and Janna with her teddybear drove by... on the way to the emergency. I parked the car and ran into the hospital, I knew the way to the emergency place. We all arrived nearly at the same time. they took us to a special family room and soon a doctor called Dr. Engel (= means angel in dutch) came to tell us about Meg's situation. She told us Meg was in life danger : huge head/brain damage and bone fractures and at various places in/ on her body and they were afraid she would not make it. She prepared us for the worst. The only thing what I wanted was to be with Meg. I wanted to see her. Our dear sweet Meg. She was in a special room where special nurses and doctors were running around. She looked so fragile, our twelve year old daughter.....

She was taken to the PICU, a special Intensive Care unit for Children, She had a tool in her head which measured her brain pressure. It wasn't good when that started raising, They told us the first 24 hours are the critical ones.... a body need time to react to a smash. Someone said that hit was same as getting 1 m3 of concreet on your body.... I cannot imagine how that must feel, let alone survive...  On Saturday June 7th her pressure was rising and we were informed the only other option for Meg was to do surgery on her head, remove her skull at 2 sides.  A very scary idea, but what other option was there? None. So we let her go, we said goodbye to her. I whispered to Meg, Dear Meg, know that I really really love you very much, but this is your life, If this life is meant to end here then let it go. I don;t want you to  be kept in a body that does not do what you want. It is your choice. You are free to chose, I'll miss you but I cannot claim you to stay here on earth if that is not part of your lifestory anymore. It is your descision, whatever you chose it is ok. I will be here for you to help and support you if you descide to stay...... And she was taken away to the surgery room.

After 4 hours ( I think it was 01.00 in the night)  the surgeon came and told us her part was done and a succes, she said now time will tell, next 24 hours are crucial.... pff again 24 hours of life and death.
We took turns in being with Meg, we did not want her to be alone, without any family so her father stayed with her grandfather and we, my mother and me, went to bed when they came back after 4 hours. On Sunday it was a very special day as a nephew was going to do his Holy Communion... a  big party was prepared,, what to do? my sister asked. I said no doubts, it has to go on. Meg would not want it differently, He did his preparings for that day and to cancel everything... No, that was not fair to him. I stayed with Meg, but Janna wanted to go and rest of the family too, but it was bittersweet for all of them. No need to tell.  On that Monday it was a Holy day (2e pinksterdag) too and the priest came back in the evening to do a prayer around Meg's bed together with all of us, asking  God to help the sick people and in special Meg. I will never forget the weather outside at that moment... it was black, dark, raining, with thunder and lightning. A storm I never saw before. Short floods. I felt it was like nature helping us with our prayers. later that evening when I walked  to my room in the mcdonalds house I saw a beautiful calm  but colorfull skye, also new to me, It gave me hope.

During the next 9 weeks in the Picu and also at mediumcare I took pictures of Meg everyday, I was imagining me Meg getting better and asking me how she looked like and what happened  back then, who came to visit, and more of such things. I was and stil am ,however very aware of the fact that Meg, back then and even now stil, does not realise how she was  at that moment. The nurses also said it is her privacy, Would Meg like the world to see how she was, when she does not know it herself yet???? Imaginations of people always run wild hearing all kind of stories, and sometimes a real picture or being there seeing it for yourself is more calming as your imagination, but for me Meg's privacy was a thing I did not want to be blamed for when she makes it. Looking back at that hospital period I also have the feeling I have protected not only Meg, but also the people whom wanted to come for a visit..... but now the time is right to have more visits.

a snowy weekend

I don't think I am a very special person, I mean I have a certain way of dealing with situations, but to me that is as normal as breathing. Every person is unique in his or her way! Talking with people they tell, me you are so strong and special! That  makes me humble as I am just who I am... Raised this way and combined with all my life experiences so far. I strongly believe nothing happens without a reason, but do we need to know this reason? Not necessarily to have a happy life I think. Worrying about the things happening takes energy and when energy is low it is too much. So better to leave searching for that answer til better energy level is there or just after a period is passed.
 Looking back at things from a distance gives clearer answers as while being in a situation.  I have time and patience, no need to get answers now. Time will tell.

Yesterday again someone told me you are in such difficult situation, how can you handle everything?  I said I keep seeing small happy moments and enjoy the fact Meg is still alive. She is the reason I don't give up. She needs support as without any support why would she even try to get better?  I also said I can handle it as I always think it always could have been worse, I mean being a refuge, leaving house and country with only what you are wearing, or being a victim of a disaster of nature. I met other people in the three different Ronald mcDonald houses and everyone of us has a story with our child. I cannot say "my story is far worse as yours" to any of them.... I think when a person cannot have any empathy for someone elses situation. You are becoming an egoist. By sharing you will get more, more empathy,more help, more understanding and it makes you feel better too.

This weekend was again one with visits of family and friends (Whitney). We took you out in the snow few times yesterday and today. I build 2 snowmen infront of your window and your sister Janna and niece Laura and nephew Lucas build few more. You were laughing when they started throwing snowballs to you... You were stil sitting inside warm and cosy :)

 

Meg was here too... ;-)

In the evening Janna added a head, but it started melting already........

Sunday morning , Janna and me took you outside. Still cold. The snow was frozen again and pushing a wheelchair wasn;t that easy, but for you it also was hard work. Your head was bumping with every small obstacle under your wheels. I never realised how uneven a pavement can be until I pushed you for the first time, last summer, while you were in the hospital. Inside the floor were even and smooth, but coming outside... pff. even when it looked straight and without and "holes" to me,  your head was moving all the time. I always tried to place you more horizontal as then your head wasn't so heavy and rest better on your headsupport. Back to the winterday we had today... it was frozen and spots where no one had walked were easy, but the other places... I tried to use the same track as the one you left yesterday. We had a short stop inside in the Ronald McDonald house, you wanted to check facebook, but you forgot your password and we never knew it  :(

I can advice any parent, ask you children to write it down somewhere.... best also check once a month or so their accounts together with them.  I also realised that it is a modern problem nowadays... when someone dies  and the family doesn't know the passwords an account wil stay forever on the net.... how confronting is that???  I have skype and whenever I use it I see Meg online....  knowing she couldn't ...

In the afternoon I surprised Janna, last year she was part of the guard of eleven from the local Carnaval group. Today was the day they reveal a new guard and a new prince and princess. They say goodbye to the old guard. She didn't knew i was coming too, so when I showed up she was quite surprised and happy. It was good to meet people again and it was a pity I had to go back to Meg again.  Our nephew Chris was now in the new guard but the new prince and princess weren't revealed yet...  Meg was happy to see me, I had a carnavals flag for her with me bought by her father.

As dinner was served later she came with the plan to give her a bath. My mother and I helped and she was really enjoying it. Relaxing in a bath, normally twice a week a shower. Her friends Naomi and Rosalie came,  played a card game together Meg smiling.   I hope she sleeps well this night.

a Talk

Today, dear Meg, I needed some time for myself... My appartment had to be cleaned too and your laundry  needed to be folded and ironed too. Meanwhile your father was with you during the Fysiotherapy and Speeking/ communication therapy. So again you were not alone.  Your aunt D. came to visit you shortly. We were also unexpectedly  invited to talk with the doctor at 14h. .
Yes sometimes days cannot be predicted how everything goes...

We talked about you, Ofcourse ;-) your six weeks observation time is nearly over and then we hear what they are planning to be able to do with/ for you/ us. I really hope they can also say something about the future, how long wil you be staying there? When wil you be able to come home again, even for only 4 hours or a day? I am not greedy.. asking for a complete weekend. I would love to do so,  but also not.
Little confusing right? It is for me too. I wiĺl explain why. I know how to take care of you. I am sure I can take care of you. But during the night you are also turned to other sides every 2-4 hrs as you don;t move your body by yourself... So when you come home for a weekend, I think I wil be also responsable for turning you during the night ... I am not sure if I am having enoug energy to do so, to be honest, So lets start with a few hours or just a day, slowly...  when the time is right ......

You heard me talking with the nurse about chosing a heighschool for Janna and to which school you would have been going, but never went. later you asked me by using the lettercard, if you were stil able to go to school? and in specific that very special  Waldorf school, you wanted to go so so badly... You were on a reserve list and they called me in Novenber, telling me they had a spot for you now as someone else left....... How hard it was for me to tell them you would jump in the air of joy to hear you were able to go there, but your life changed......
Heartbreaking moment for me to know you stil want to go to that school... I don;t know if you ever can... if you wil be able to go there still... and many more questions.. What to say to you?  I told you you wil go back to school eventually, but first concentrate on the therapies and practices....
Still long way to go.

I am keeping the faith Xxx

Friday 23th of January

a "Regular " day

Dear Meg,
Yesterday morning I was little later as 9:40h at your place as I had to take out the laundry from the washingmachine and from the drying machine. The laundry place is downstairs and in an open visiters place, During the daytime the place where I am staying is also in use by people with a small disfunction. They have some kind of daycare job here in a social project. They help with making the place cosy with flowerarangements, bake cakes, clean the place, create things to sell, water the plants work in the garden and so on.

Your aunt Stannie was chatting with me before and she decides spontaneously to  come over to you. Asking if it was ok with me, She arrived there first. Even though you had  company from her, your smile when seeing me did me good.  You were sitting in a normal, plain chair, working so hard to keep your back straight and your head up high, Physiotherapy started at 9.00 o'clock for you. It always starts by doing exercises with your right arm first, then move to your right leg while laying in bed and then the left side too. After that is done you are lifted into a normal chair or you are pulled onto another bed/ table. Sitting in the chair I described above, but the table is something else. This is a special table, which can be added vertically. When you are laying on it, you are tightened to the table under your breast, over your hips and knees and ankles too I think, not sure about the ankles.... anyway when all "ropes"are well attached, the table is being verticallised, so you slowly start to turn. this cannot be going too fast as you get dizzy. Your blood now runs, due to gravity, faster down as while sitting. We hope that you soon get used to it, and when so, you will need to stand for a certain time like this few times a day, most probably watching television as distraction.....

After this therapy session you were tired and went back in bed. I asked you if you wanted some applecake your other Aunt Selina brought day before, a thumb as a Yes,  I got as answer  :) Had to take a plate and a small fork in the kitchen. Making small pieces of the cake. You took the fork yourself and added a small piece in your mouth. Seeing you do this amazed me every time. Few months ago you couldn't even move anything.  This feeding yourself is therapy itself too. You pointed with your finger towards a cup with water and a straw through the lid, you were able to hold it and drink from it yourself, I just need to tell you, to eat, chew and swallow the stuff inside your mouth, sometimes the bigger pieces are too difficult (yet?) to eat and you want me to take it out.

Noticing it was nearly 10,45 time for your next therapy: Ergonomics,  We lifted you out of your bed into your wheelchair. this therapy is better while sitting straight in your chair. we had some time left and i gave you my tablet with keyboard attached to use, you wanted to have a look at facebook, sweping over the screen with your finger... my sister was amazed  :) You also checked you tube as that was in my internetbar too. When the clip didn;t fancy you, you stil knew how to move on to the other.  The therapist came and I asked about that speaking computer, what if she by the time it came was speaking? wasn't it better to buy a tablet like mine having more functions after the type-words-speaking program isn;t needed anymore?  She saw now for herself how Meg was using mine. Everyday it goes better and better.... The therapist said I now understand what you mean, I am going to discus with the other therapists and rehabilitation doctors what is best for Meg.
Ergonomic did also exercises with you righter arm, hold it in the air, not leaning in between, and tapping to her hand after she moved it to variousplaces in the air.... another excersise was to touch your right ear, your left ear, your nose, your left hand: When you couldn reach you were clever!! you just lowered your head!! That was cheating and you knew it as when we told you so, you started laughing (wihtout sound), But you were fair enoug to try it again with your head up straight, only then you couldn reach every spot.... you just missed few cm but with practice it wil come back , I am sure.

After that it was lunch break, you normally use to rest til 15.00u, no music, no tv, no light, but silence..
At 13:15h We, your dad and I,  had a talk with the social worker. From 14,30 you were up again in your chair.  And we listened to carnaval music, took care of you, played a card game. You father left, going home so Janna wasnot  alone at home too long. You were lifted into your bed again took care of you and at 17.15h  I went to have some dinner made by my mother. Nice of them to come by in my appartment. you also rest between 17.00-18.30h your father and Janna were already with you when i came in at 19,00h. I had  a call and  talked longer as i thought :) anyway we had extra visiters too, N, N, and J, were there too on June 6th, they visited you in the hospital and now again. You played a game with cards together, you laughed a lot.

Around 20.00h I start praparing you to go to sleep. Brush your teeth, comb your hair and place you on a side to sleep. A kiss and a hug and I am cycling back to my appartment in the mcDonalds place. Me feeling happy to fall into a chair and sit...  checking my mails and other messages, write a new post for tomorrow... time flies and before  I know a day has passed again....  Sweet dreams Dear Meg and Janna!

ps. I really hope my writing is understandabole for everyone....  use the translate tool if needed in the right sided bar....

Your Wheelchair and more

Yesterday was a day I took a step back form being with you Meg, I just had to as I stil have this cold and not feeling well. So in the morning  your father was there to be with you during the therapy. Fysiotherapy, ergotherapy and speech/ communication therapy. You wil be going to get a very special portable computer. Here you can type words and  a voice wil speak it out for you. when we buy a simcard to it too, you wil even be able to send sms text messages! Your eyes starated glazing while hearing that  :)  However it is a costly thing and a delivery time between ordering and delivery is 2 weeks, but due to first needing a agreeding with insurace it wil most probably take 6 weeks at least... many froms to fill in.... i hope you won;t be needing it by then... that you are able to speak again...

A second problem is your wheelchair it is now a borrowed one from this centre, but since a few days you cannot sit long in it anymore, Did you grow so much lately??? Or is the seat to slippery?? You wil need a personal one, adjusted to your needs and messurements, but who wil pay for it? One says you need to ask the special desk in the cityhall of our village. Only rules changed since January 1th, 2015....  I think before we get an answer we wil be weeks further...... and then ordering  one... fitting, adjustments.... I forsee  you wil be laying in bed only as sitting in the wheelchair now isn't comfortable to do long... sigh.

In the afternoon Jacqueline and her daughter were with you while I was in my appartment, cleaning, relaxing and talking with  E. whom came for a visit to me. It felt good to really talk in person to someone, instead of through chat, whatt's app or fb, Words cannot be mis understood as the expression of a face is there too. I missed this kind of visits. Visit in Meg's place is different, I want to keep away sorrows and chocking things from" Meg's bed" as much as possible.  Dear Meg, you don't even know everything about what happend to you. We told you,  you had a car accident while crossing the street, The psycologist asked you Meg now you know this are you angry? answered  by looking to No. Are you sad about it? Yes.

I am very proud you weren't angry when you found out about the accident. I cannot be angry either. It was an accident, one with too many "coincidences ". It could have been me driving there too,  having to deal now with what is happening with you now, The person whom hit you is also a victim of the situation. He was brave enough  to get in contact with us asking how you were doing. We had a good talk before we took him to you back then in the mediumcare section. The only strange thing in that situation is we never heard anything from the first car whom started crossing the street and stopped when he saw that car coming. I think you just thought it was safe to start cycling, crossing the road when he started driving.....  you not noticing he stopped.......

Anyway back to yesterday, While I was in the Ronald McDonald appartment C. came, asking if I could come down for a minute, You were there, pointing you wanted to go up..... You knew where I was staying! I had taken you there  before once and last Saturday your father and aunt took you here too, just for very short time. We pushed you up the hill went inside and took off the coat and blankets, Time for some drinks :) you noticed a Lego freinds building and wanted to see how it was build, You always loved playing with Lego.

After your dinnerbreak I arrived at your room and seeing your smile when you see me is always giving me so much energy, made my headache go away too. I asked about your day, you answered with a thumb up = Yes or a hidden thumb = No.
You have one super favourite programm at tv it is a Dutch teenager program called: Spangas. It is about students in your own age at highschool. www.spangas.nl It starts at 18,55 and when I forget you know how to make it clear to me, asking for the controller and adding three fingers in the air. Your grandmother took a lollipop with her day before yesterday and now everytime we watch spangas you want it.... adding it in your mouth by yourself, like a teenager :)  makes me really happy you are able to do so again. I know you are back, never been away, it is just your body which needs to learn things again... but I am in good hope and trust you wil manage.

Paloc scale

Paloc Scale is a medical messurement scale to check a person's consiousness. Many people asked me often is she awake yet??? I found it hard to explain, Yes, but not awake like we are when we are awake... it is not like in the movies: a person coming out of coma, opens his eyes and is there....
I don't think it ever happens like that. At least not in Meg's case.
First she wasn't in coma by herself, but kept sleeping to give her brains some rest to recover from the huge hit.
Second when they started getting her awake, less sleeping medicins, she opened her eyes yes, but did she see? Was her vision stil working? All questions we couldn;t get an answer for,  only time would tell...
My motherinstinct said meg was stil there but unable to communicate in a way we normally would do. We saw her monitored heartbeat calmed when hearing our voices, so we talked to her, told her about the weather, read books to her, used calming music and sometimes also her own favourite music. Disco time!! I sat there crochetting, chat with family in a corner or sleeping too..... When I went home, it was to get cloths, or make calls with insurance, work, laywer, take care of my plants, do the laundry,  etc. but stil i was restless to be away from Meg.

During her 16 weeks stay in the hospital we tried to give her all kind of stimulations, different sounds, smells, tastes by feeding her besides her liquid feed she got, letting her feel different materials as in soft, rough, etc.

The Leijpark revalidation centre in Tilburg, The Netherlands worked with this scale. They are a specialised centre for kinds, young adults, aged 0-25, whom had a brain trauma by accident, not from birth. When Meg came there she had a observation period of 2 weeks. All the therapists came to see what she was able to do and how she reacted. But I wasn't allowed to be there too at that moment, I really felt set aside,sitting in that livingroom there, Crying... Meg was my daughter! I did not put all my efforts in being with Meg all the time for the last 16 weeks to let them "destroy" what  I tried to avoid in the hospital : Meg having the feeling she was there alone, without family or friends. Only strangers around her. How confusing that must be?
The rules of this revalidation centre were strict, no discussion about it.  Only 5,5 hours a day I was allowed to be with Meg, The rest of the time was for resting and giving  her brains time to heal. I Understood why, but it wasn't easy for me to accept, felt like giving her out of my hands. Anyway after these two weeks we were told Meg was at that time in scale 5-6. Ofcourse we were happy about that. As they also said, when kids come in in 6 they most probably reach 8 too.

in this picture an explanation about the scales in Dutch.... 

After 7 weeks we were halfway our time there she stil wasn't in a higher scale... got me worried, as time was fading.... we had to get things organised for the time after Leijpark. Keeping two scenarios in mind:
1. if she reached scale 8 by the end. There was no problem going for further revalidation closer to home.
2. if she wasn't in scale 8 by the end. We had to find a carring centre for her to stay, We refused that option as then she would most probably end up in a mental and disabled people nursing home. as no special houses like that for kids whom got braintrauma by accident. For us the only other option was then take her home, organise care and therapy etc in our house.

How releived I was to hear the nearby revalidation centre, Adelante said, Meg was welcome also if not yet in scale 8!   So Thursday morning December 18th we moved again, this time closer to home family and friends. Meg didn't sleep at all during this 1,5 hr trip in the ambulance.She was carried out of the car and she was smiling form ear to ear.
I have no doubt now after 4 weeks being here she is now in scale 8!

een samenvatting tot nu toe

Lieve Meg en lieve Janna,

Sinds 6 juni 2014 is ons leven niet meer hoe het van te voren was. Plots was alles anders door een auto ongeluk. Ik geloof nog steeds dat dat ongeluk niet zonder reden was. Dat het bij ons levensverhaal past. Een levensverhaal dat we allemaal al uitgekozen hebben voor we hier op aarde geboren worden. Die visie heeft mij al die tijd overeind gehouden en nog steeds. Al moet ik eerlijk bekennen dat ik nu, bijna 6,5 maand later, pas werkelijk besef wat wij hebben meegemaakt en nog gaan meemaken. We zijn er nog lang niet.

Negen weken heb je op de intensive care gevochten om in leven te blijven, aansluitend nog 7 weken op de medium care, wachtend op het terugplaatsen van je botluiken. Op je verjaardag op 12 september heb je ze weer terug gekregen. Wat een super mooi cadeau! Je kwam terug uit de operatie kamer een uur eerder dan dat je 13 jaar geleden was geboren.... Je ging in ieder geval  "compleet" je 13e jaar in. Amper 10 dagen na de operatie verhuisden jij (en ik) naar het Leijpark revalidatie centrum in Tilburg.  Ik weer in het Ronald mc Donaldshuis Midden-west Brabant. Wat was het wennen daar, van in het AZM waar ik de hele dag van 9,00-22,00u bij jou was, naar nu amper 5,5 uur per dag bij je mogen. Ik heb veel bijgeslapen tijdens jouw middagpauze van 11.30-15.oou .Gewoon moe...   

Op de tijdstippen dat ik wel bij je mocht zijn had je ook therapie, daar stimuleerde ik je om te doen wat ze vroegen. Ik kende je door en door...  In Tilburg hadden we "maar 14" weken de tijd om je in een bewuste toestand te krijgen. Daarna was het spannend of je verder kon revalideren als dat niet zo zou zijn.... Gelukkig in de laatste week  zat je in Paloc schaal 7. Schaal 8 is bewust.... Men  had er vertrouwen in dat je in schaal 8 ook wel zou komen.   

Op 18 december weer een grote verhuizing per ambulance naar het Zuiden, Onze eigen regio :) Adelante in Houthem- Valkenburg was je nieuwe revalidatieplek. Aan de ene kant fijn dichter bij allen: familie, vrienden en bekenden, aan andere kant ook hoe zal dat zijn? Meer 'bemoeienis'?, maar ook meer hulp met jou? meer bezoek? Meer aanspraak voor mij?, etc.  De kerstvakantie kwam en ging voorbij. Het was wennen voor jou en mij. Ik blijf ook nu dicht bij jou, in de Mc Donalds kindervallei. Met kerst was het er druk met gezinnen die hier vakantie kwamen vieren. Nu is het hier stil. Ik ben de enige die hier verblijft.   

Januari 2015 Armand kreeg longontsteking en voor Janna was het even fijner bij mij. Mijn  40ste verjaardag ben ik heel vroeg begonnen met eerst Janna naar school te brengen en daarna weer terug naar jou. het was een super vreemde dag. Een extra taak erbij voor mij, maar ik vond het wel fijn Janna ook bij me te hebben en te zien hoe ze nu ook vrijer werd in de omgang met jou, jullie waren weer zusjes, samen tv kijken, spelletje spelen, elkaar plagen en uitdagen. Maar Janna was ook een zorgzaam zusje toen ik het even niet meer kon. Een avond ben ik weggebleven en toen ging zij <3 Ik was al sinds de laatste verhuizing dag in dag uit bij jou, geen middagje vrij of avond weg, geen weekend even uitslapen, continue al 3 weken op rij.

Het is me nu echter ook echt veel hooi op mijn vork aan het worden. Dit ga ik zo niet lang volhouden. Ik mis mijn eigen leven met mijn vrienden, andere ouders bij jullie op school, collega's en zelfs de leerlingen, mijn werk, mijn vilten en tuinieren. Mijn hele dag draait om jou <3 Ieders leven gaat door en dat van ons ook, maar om niks te horen van deze mensen........ Ik bedacht me nog, als je pas bevallen bent en een baby hebt, dan heb je ook geen tijd voor iets anders, maar je treft wel mensen in hetzelfde schuitje, waarmee je samen het bos ingaat, of gewoon even samen thee gaat drinken. Je hebt eenzelfde onderwerp. Nu lijkt het of er echt niemand is die onze situatie begrijpt. Mensen waarvan ik dacht dat zijn vrienden laten je in de steek geven niet thuis, weten niet wat te zeggen of te doen, steken de straat over of draaien zich weg.... dat doet echt pijn en geeft enorm veel teleurstelling elke keer weer !  Een zwaai of een lach,  een opgestoken duim , een kaartje, een bezoekje,  een hand op de schouder is soms al genoeg.  

Ik heb totaal geen spijt dat ik afgelopen maanden al mijn tijd in jou gestoken heb, ik zie daar nu al de vruchten van, een vrolijke Meg die nog steeds vecht om dat weer aan te leren dat ze allemaal al kon.... Je bent een echte doorzetter lieve meid en weet dat ik super trots ben op jou!! Ook op jou , lieve Janna ben ik trots, Je doet het ook maar 'even gewoon' mee, terwijl je ook pas 11 bent. Voor jou is het leven ook niet meer hoe het was. 

Wat de toekomst zal brengen weet niemand, ik heb per 1 maart geen werk meer, wil er zijn voor jullie, maar zal ook moeten gaan solliciteren (al staat mijn hoofd er niet naar) .... volgende week ga ik even 3 dagen achter elkaar overdag vilten, Ik hoop daar dan ook de rust voor te hebben hier lukt het niet :(    en wat 'men daarvan denkt mogen ze allemaal zelf weten, ik heb dit even nodig. 

Super blij en dankbaar ben ik in ieder geval voor de hulp van mijn man  (op zijn manier), mijn ouders, zusjes en Jacqueline en alle verzorgsters van Meg. 

New blog

I descided to start a new blog about how my life came to a point that I felt it had to turn around. I never knew a car accident with my daughter Meg was going to be that important point in my life, but I now realise it was that moment. Now the time is right to start blogging about my life eversince June 6th 2014 and  about how my daily life is now. I cannot predict how often and much iI wil be writing a post here, but I just feel it as a right moment to start doing so.
I hope it wil give you some insight of what we are going through.