Somethings are.....

just no coincidence. Or? You know right from the after the accident. I truely believed things really happen for a reason. Too many things to call it coincidence like:

The driver was twice as old as Meg was, came from a place we had to go for rehabilitation. He studied neurology, etc. The emergency docter was named "drs Engel " = angel in Dutch. A phone number of a paragnost, which I got from a lady, I never saw her back, after she gave me a card with the number including money to me... was it again an angel?  That visit gave me sttrength and hope. I can go on for a long time, even last week is it coincidence or not?

Since Monday June 8th 2015 Meg is going back to school again. Finally!! We  have been asking for it since March, She needs contact with same aged chidren and I was quirious to know if she was stil able to do maths or learn things like English etc. So on this Monday she went to this special Mythyl school on the same grounds as her clinic. Last year the accident was on Friday so she missed last weeks before the summervacation started. This year, exactly a year, later she is going back to school until the summervacation starts again. Continuing as if she never stopped at school... a sabbatical year. a closed circle, life goes on again.

We stil need to see how she wil do in class... can she stay focussed? Can she learn new things in her short term memory? She is now 2 hrs per day in the class with now 10 children aged 12-15 yrs, most of themb have epilepsy and look like 'normal' kids. Don' get me wrong here when I use the term 'normal' kids. For us we never had much/ close contact  or experience with children in wheelchairs  and their daily life with therapist, forms that need to be filled and every organisation asking for all medical infromation. (Where is her privacy???) We have fallen in a new small world a different society. The world of the disabled. And I never knew there are so many different disabilities but I am getting used to it. Also when going out with Meg, the behaviour of people is so (hopefully not on purpose)  rude. They ignore to react to their children when they say something about Meg out loud ... as if we cannot hear. Some think Meg is stupid, but she is not, she just cannot talk with her voice, Therefor she has the speaking computer. I always try to involve Meg in the talk.

The rehabilitation/ school area, is pretty "Safe" I mean people are used to see kids in wheelchairs, wearing braces, have spasm, etc. Harder is being in the "normal" places like our village , ( I never really realised how bad some pavements are) And crossing the railways? Not possible at the station... there are only stairs, so we need to walk to a road crossing section....

Last weekend we rented a wheelchaircar, it was a great feeling, this "freedom", in transport. Me driving her myself , not a stranger. I took her home on Friday as we had a surpriseparty organised for Armand 's 50th Birthday. He slept the night before his birthday at the hospital, (due to kidneypains) but he descided he was good enoug to have a party.  Janna baked him a special minion cake.

I took Meg back to the clinic to sleep. Even being at home confronting things happen. Simple thing like going into the garden.... not possible for Meg. We have steps and heightlevels in our garden. She didn't cry about it, but I saw on her face she forgot she cannot go :(

Sunday June 14th I was there again in the morning to pick her up. A delegation of the Hockey club she is stil a member of, came to visit her/ us. She smiled from ear to ear when she got a training vest with her name and club name on it. Plus training trousers too. No need to tell she wanted to wear them today ;-) Thank you!

After the summerstop we wil go and see a hockey game, for now the season has ended and I think it is also very confronting for her, plus transport is stil an issue.

In the afternoon we went to a performance of Janna's flamengo. She started in September and this was a show from all felmengo groups of her teacher. Amazing to see. Felt like being in Spain.

Janna  with a stunning hairstyle and dress in the middle. Proud <3

The gitar player , Rezar, said before he started playing an intro it was specially dedicated to Meg as he heard lots about her from his pupil Lucas. He played a special song called, "Volver" means coming back. Touching song and gesture, Thanks!
After dinner I took Meg back to her room in the clininc.. I was super tired. On Monday I slept 4 hours at a stretch between 11-15h, I really needed it, It wil be a calm week for me that I do know, no wild plans, hihihi.

Thursday June 18th we wil need to go to the hospital for a day. Finally Meg's PEG sonde is going to be removed. YES!! We waited also long for this to be removed. It wil be a simple small surgery, they say.... fingers crossed xxx. Again a little step to "like before but different"

We are now waiting for the insurance to give greenlight for a wheelchair van... and when they say Yes it wil most probably take another 3-4 months before we can actually drive in it....  :(

Meanwhil I lwant to make plans for the summertime, but so many things stil needs to be organised first,, sigh..  wel one day after another...

A year ago the revieuw of my youngest sister Debbie

Posted by Debbie on facebook June 7th in Dutch, below English

Zoals mijn andere twee zussen ook al schreven, sommige dingen blijven je bij. Wij waren spaghetti aan het eten in de tuin, toen we een ambulance hoorden. Tobias vroeg: Komt die hier langs? Waarop ik zei: Nee, gelukkig niet. Een paar uur later werd ik gebeld door Selina. Ook dat vergeet ik niet, ik kon niks meer terugzeggen tegen haar na het nieuws. Dit kon toch niet zo zijn? 

Die avond nog extra naar mijn kinderen gaan kijken. Ik was ongeveer 36 weken zwanger. Die eerste paar weken... Ik geloofde dat Meg en Lodewijk, (waar ik zwanger van was) wellicht contact met elkaar hadden. Allebei deels wel en deels niet op deze wereld. Lodewijk Leonard Alexis. Lodewijk, naar 3 (of eigenlijk 4) van mijn en Ingmar zijn opa's (Louis, Aloyisius). Leonard: Ik bleef denken aan een leeuw. Als sterrebeeld? Iets anders? Leonard, het hart van een leeuw. Alexander vonden we altijd al een mooie naam. De betekenis van Alexander is redder van mannen (saviour of men, als ik het goed heb).
Alexis betekent Savirour of mankind, redder van de mensheid. Ook van Meg.
Wellicht wat vreemd, maar ik heb altijd gedacht (nog steeds) dat namen kracht bezitten. Een naam past soms bij iemand, het zegt iets over hoe iemand is. Over zijn daden, karakter. Ik hoopte dat Lodewijk Meg de weg terug zou wijzen. Zoiets.
Als ik het zo schrijf klinkt het wat zweverig, maar waarom ook niet?
Zelf heb ik niet meer zoveel met religie van doen, maar ik geloof wel in krachten van de geest, van de natuur. Bij de ziekenzalving aan Meg haar bed onweerde het. Dat gaf mij rillingen - dat was wat bij mij paste. Twee "geloven/overtuigingen" die Meg kracht en genezing toewensten.
Hetzelfde tijdens de communie van mijn neefje, op zondag 8 juni 2 dagen na het ongeluk. Toen iedereen in de kerk zat barstte er een hevig onweer met plensbuien los, daar liep ik doorheen naar het huis van mijn zus om te kijken of ik daar nog kon helpen. Toen ik terug kwam bij het plein/de kerk, was het onweer voorbij en scheen de zon weer stralend. En de communicantjes kwamen naar buiten.

the church tower bathing in sunlight , the rest dark

the divided sky....

Een jaar later. Gisteren aten we weer buiten. Geen spaghetti. Ik moest denken aan een jaar geleden. Hoe snel kan iets veranderen, en hoe onbenullig zijn zaken als uiterlijk en bezit.
Mijn familie is gegroeid (ik bedoel hier niet mijn gezin mee wink-emoticon ). Het leven is veranderd, vooral voor mijn zussen en mijn ouders. Voor mij veranderde het ook, maar anders. Omdat ik pas net in Bunde woonde (29 Maart waren we verhuisd) was ik nog niet gewend aan onregelmatige familiebezoekjes naar hun en van hun.

Eigenlijk begon de woelige rit al eerder, november 2013. Ik moe van het zwanger zijn, bij mijn zussen/ouders waren er rond die tijd ook al zaken die niet soepel liepen als ik het goed heb. Na het ongeluk met Meg waren er meer hobbels, de soap in de achtbaan ging door. Soap omdat er altijd wel iets gebeurt, en achtbaan omdat het een nog niet over is of het ander dient zich weer aan.
Zo ook bij mijn zussen, het ene obstakel is genomen of het ander dient zich weer aan. Over mijn ouders heb ik ook mijn zorgen gehad. Hun leven is ook ontzettend veranderd, dat draait nu om Meg. Ik ben blij dat mijn moeder nog zo veel voor Meg kan doen, voor haar kan zorgen, en dat mijn zussen ook zoveel voor Janna kunnen doen.

Het heeft zo moeten zijn. Er zijn zoveel toevalligheden... zijn die echt toevallig? Als ik niet hier had gewoond, was de band tussen mij en mijn zussen/ouders erg anders geweest omdat hier in Limburg de lasten gedragen worden. Den Haag is ver weg. Maar ook andere zaken, teveel om op te noemen.
Ik ben blij dat Meg alweer zo ver gekomen is, maar ik hoop ook dat dit niet het eindpunt is. Er is sinds Leypark zo hard aan haar revalidatie gewerkt, maar het lijkt nu wat rustiger. Omdat ze al wat meer kan? Of om het "zwarte gat" na de coma, zoals Kim een tijd terug postte.
Voor Meg, maar ook voor Janna, hoop ik dat ze een mooie toekomst (te beginnen met de pubertijd) tegenmoet gaan, niet gehinderd of emotioneel onherstelbaar beschadigd door dit gebeuren.

Voor mezelf hoop ik mijn hart of overtuigingen te kunnen blijven volgen, en dat is dat werk ondergeschikt is aan gezin, aan leven. Dat ik bewust nadenk over de (ecologische) impact van ons leven, onze manier van leven, en dat probeer te wijzigen. Niet alleen onze eigen gezondheid is belangrijk, ook die van de aarde om ons heen. Dat aandacht, tijd, belangrijker is dan bezit.
Dat familie zeer belangrijk is. Soms kunnen we niet mét elkaar, maar we kunnen zeker niet zónder elkaar.

As my sisters have written, some little things are remembered. We were having spaghetti in the garden, when we heard an ambulance.

Tobias asked: Does it pass here? I replied: No, luckily it doesn’t.

A few hours later I got a phonecall from Selina. This I will not forget either – I was unable to speak after she told me what happened. This couldn’t be?

That evening (and more to come) I had an extra look at my children when they slept. I was about 36 weeks pregnant. The first few weeks after the accident… I believed that Meg and my unborn baby Lodewijk might be in touch with each other. Both partly on this world and partly not. Lodewijk Leonard Alexis. Lodewijk, after 3 (or actually 4) of my and Ingmar’s grandfathers (Louis, Aloyisius). Leonard: I kept thinking of a lion. As astral sign? Something else? Leonard, lion’s hart. We always liked the name Alexander. It’s meaning is saviour of men. Alexis means savior of mankind. Also of Meg.
Maybe a bit strange, but I’ve always thought (still do)  that names posess power. A name fits a person, tells a lot about a person. His/her deeds, character. I hoped that Lodewijk would show Meg the way back. Something like that.

When writing it like this it sounds a bit “dreamy”, but why not?
I’ve distanced myself from religion somewhat, but I do believe in the powers of mind and nature. At the service for the ill/wounded (led by a priest) there was lightning and thunder. It gave me the shivers, as that was something that I connected with. Two convictions wishing Meg strength and healing.

The same during the communion of a nephew, the Sunday after the accident. When everyone was in church there was a fierce thunderstorm with lots of rain. I walked throught it to my sisters house to see if I could help out there. When I walked back to the church, the thunder subsided and the skies turned bright and clear again, no sign of the weather except some poodles on the pavement. Then the children came out of the church.

A year after. We ate outside again yesterday. No spaghetti this time. I thought about a year ago. How fast things can change! And how irrelevant things like looks and posessions are. My family has grown (not meaning my own family, but also my parents and siblings). Life has changed, especially  for my sisters and my parents. For me it changed as well, but different. I had just moved here on March 29^th so I wasn’t used to irregular visits to and from family.

Actually the bumpy ride started before that already, in November 2013. I was tired of being in the beginning of pregnancy, and my sisters and parents also had their issues. After the accident there were ofcourse even more bumps in the road, soap on a rollercoaster continued. A soap because there’s always something happening, and a rollercoaster because one thing hasn’t ended or another issue presents itself. This is also very true for my sisters – one obstacle has been overcome, and the next one stands ready. I had my worries about my parents to – their lives has changed so much, it evolves around Meg. I am glad my mom can do so much for Meg, and that my sisters can do so much for Janna.

It had to be this way. There are so many coincidences… are they really coincidences? If I wouldn’t have moved here then the connection between my sisters and me would have been very different, as the burdens are most heavy here and not 200km away. The Hague is far away then. But also other coincidences, too many to mention.

A year ago a revieuw by my sister Stannie

Stannie also wrote something on my request, as I know we all have different experiences and memories about that day.

Posted on Fb June 9th in Dutch, Below an English version.

6 juni 2014.
Ik ben net thuis. De frietjes worden gebakken. Er komt een ambulance met zeeeer hoge snelheid langs. Ik denk : poeh die rijdt hard. Gelukkig niet voor hier in de buurt. Dan moet er echt iets ergs gebeurd zijn.
Een paar minuten later gaat de telefoon. Het is Armand. Meg heeft een zwaar auto ongeluk gehad. (Oh shit....daar was die ambulance voor). Ze hebben het over een traumahelikopter. Hij kan Kim niet bereiken. Mijn ouders ook niet. Ik hang verslagen en in lichte paniek op. Ik moet Kim zien te bereiken. Ik begin te bellen.  Krijg haar niet te pakken. Spreek in.. bel Selina waar ik Eric spreek. De eetlust is inmiddels ver weg.  Ik blijf proberen Kim te bellen. Uiteindelijk belt Kim mij. Ik vraag waar ze is en dat ik haar kom halen (Patrick zou haar gaan halen) en vertel haar waarom. Ze wilt zelf rijden en ik zeg haar dat ze echt voorzichtig moet zijn. Dan bel ik met mijn zus Selina. Janna is alleen thuis (was ook in het zwembad geweest en thuis afgezet voor dat ongeluk was gebeurd) en weet nog van niks. Die haalt zij op en dan haalt ze mij op. We komen tegelijk met Kim bij Het AZM aan. De wereld op zijn kop. Gaat ze het halen of niet??
2 dagen later heb ik communiefeest van Stijn. Moet ik dat wel door laten gaan? We besluiten het door te laten gaan. Wat een loodzware dag. Wetende dat de kans er is dat Meg het niet zal halen. Iedereen vrolijk en feestelijk en ik... ik voel me ellendig. De dag door zien te komen en hopen dat Meg het red. In de kerk speelt de Harmonie. Meg zou ook meespelen. Tranen rollen over mijn wangen. De hele mis gaat langs me heen. Ik zeg een gebedje op voor Meg. Aan het einde van de dag wil ik naar Meg toe. Ik verlaat het feest en ruil het in voor de Picu. Er te zijn geeft me rust.

Nu een jaar later. Meg heeft al veel laten zien. Er is heel veel gebeurd. De achtbaan gaat nog steeds verder. Iedereen gaat er met op zijn eigen manier mee om. Patrick en ik konden dat niet samen. Een nieuwe achtbaan, met veel uitzoek werk. Waar doe je goed aan, hoe kun je het allemaal het beste regelen. Hoe bespaar ik mijn kids en familie een stuk verdriet.  Tijd zal het leren. Een ding weet ik wel; wij komen er wel!
Een achtbaan kan ook plezier geven en je laten zien dat er veel dierbare mensen om je heen zijn. Dat je moet genieten van alles!
Zeuren mag zeker...maar kijk ook verder. Verdriet is er zeker..maar genieten en plezier hebben nog meer.
Ik ben trots op mijn familie die elkaar zo goed als het kan en waar het kan  proberen te helpen.
Maar ik ben ook blij en trots  om alle lieve mensen om mij heen die mij steunen en dierbaar zijn.

One balloon went into another direction as the rest....
Picture made by Debbie

June 6th 2014
I just arrived home, French fries are being made. An ambulance is passing by with a very heigh speed and sirenes and lights on. I was thinking: wow that one is driving very fast, Luckily not for nearby as then something really bad has happened.
A few minutes later my phone rings. It is Armand whom is calling me. Meg was involved in a heavy car accident .(Oh ships... that was where that ambulance was for). They spoke about a trauma helicopter. He couldn't reach Kim. My parents were also unreachable. I ended the call, feeling terrible and slightly panicking. I have to get in contact with Kim. I start calling her, but she is not answering. Leaving a message..... Call my sister Selina, where Eric her husband answers the phone. My appetite is gone.... I keep trying calling Kim. Finally Kim calls me back. I ask her where she is so I can pick her up. (Patrick was going to pick her up) .She wants to drive herself and I let her promis to drive very very careful, Again I call my sister Selina.  Janna is alone at home (was also at the swimmingpool but dropped off by car at home before the accident happened) but she still didn't knew what happened. Selina picks up Janna and then me. We arrive at the same time as Kim at the hospital. The world upside down. Is she going to make it or not?

Two days later I have a Holy Communion celebration of our second son. What to do? Cancell all festivities, foods , etc? We descide to do as planned. What a heavy day it was. Knowing there is a realy chace meg won't make it... Everyone cheerful and happy and me....  I feel miserable. thrying to live that day and hoping Meg wil survive. In the church the harmony group is playing. Meg should have been playing with them too. Tears run down my cheeks. The whole Holy ceremony is passing without me noticing it. I pray for meg, At the end of the afternoon . I want to go to Meg, I leave the party and go to the PICU. Being there made me calm.

Now a year later. Meg has shown a lot, lots of things happened. The rollercoaster stil goes on. Everyone handles it in his or her own way. Patrick and I weren't able to do this together. a new rollercoaster started with many things to unravel. What is best to do? How to organise things? How do I prevent my kids and family from being hurt, or becoming sad?. Time wil tell, One thing I do know for sure: We wil get there!!
A rollercoaster can be fun too showing people whom care about you and that the best thing to do is enjoy everything and go with the flow.
Complaining is allowed... but also look bejond it.  Grief is there... but making fun and having joy is also allowed en needed. .
I am proud of my family whom as good as it goes and when possible, wherever needed tries to help and support. But I am also happy with and proud off all the people surrounding me, whom support and are dear to me.
  

A year ago the revieuw of my sister Selina

 As you might know I am from a family with 4 sisters. I am oldest in  line, after me Selina, Stannie and Debbie. We were all born within 5 years, (1975-1980). And nowadays even live in the same village including my parents too. I am thankful for their help and support, 

Posted by Selina on Facebook June 6th 2015 in Dutch below her English version.

"Vandaag een jaar geleden kregen wij 't telefoontje dat Meg een ongeluk had gehad. Die eerste uren van grote onzekerheid of ze het zou halen, de beslissingen die genomen moesten worden op basis van vertrouwen in de artsen. Mijn zus kwam tegelijk aan met ons bij de EHBO waar Armand en mijn ouders al waren. Daar kregen we van de dokter te horen hoe ernstig de situatie was en dat we er rekening mee moesten houden dat Meg het niet zou overleven.

Vervolgens is ze geïnstalleerd op de intensive care. Daar stonden Kim, Armand en Janna aan het bed van Meg en vroeg iemand of er een fototoestel aanwezig was. Mijn zus had haar grote toestel bij zich ..ergens.. in haar tas. Ik heb het toestel gepakt en foto's gemaakt. Toen ik door die lens keek, naar het gezicht van Meg... tranen rollen nu ook weer. Toch heb ik die foto's genomen... de eerste foto's van na het ongeluk toen nog denkende dat het misschien de laatste foto's van hun 4-en samen waren.

De eerste nachten sliep Janna bij mij in bed. Voor zover dat lukte. Ik had uitgebreide gesprekken met haar. Over de situatie, wat het betekende, wat de verwachtingen waren. Daarnaast heel praktische zorgen: het regelen van het eten voor Kim en Armand in het ziekenhuis. Om beurten kookte ik, m'n ouders, buren van Kim en Armand en vrienden.
Het heen en weer rijden met Janna naar en/of van het ziekenhuis. De geplande afspraken etc (tandarts, huisarts) die afgezegd moesten worden voor dit hele gezin. Maar tegelijkertijd ook voor mijn eigen gezin...ook ons leven stond op z'n kop en stil. Eric heeft de 2e nacht bij Meg gewaakt zodat de anderen even konden "bijtanken". Mijn ouders die samen met Kim en Armand de eerste weken de 24-uurs aanwezigheid op zich namen. En nog steeds zeer nauw betrokken zijn bij de zorg en revalidatie van Meg.

Een jaar verder... we zijn nu een familie van "voor en na" het ongeluk met ieder ons eigen verdriet en zorgen en juist daardoor moeilijk met elkaar kunnen delen.
Tuurlijk zijn er ook mooie momenten geweest en zullen ongetwijfeld nog gaan komen. Deze hebben allemaal te maken met de revalidatie van Meg. Ze doet het super!!! Het eindpunt is nog niet bereikt!  

"Today, a year ago we got that phone call that no one wants to receive. We got the message that Meg had an accident. Those first hours of huge uncertainty about whether she was going to make it or not and all the decisions that had to be taken based on trust in the doctors.

Kim arrived at the hospital at the same time I arrived with Janna and my other sister Stannie. Armand and our parents were already there. There we were told about how serious and bad the situation was and that Meg’s chances to survive were really small.

Thereafter Meg was installed at the intensive care. Kim, Armand and Janna were standing at Meg’s bedside and someone asked if somebody had a photo camera. Kim said that she had her camera in her bag… somewhere… I took the camera and wanted to take a picture of them 4 together. When I saw Meg’s face through the lens…. It broke my heart. Now again I have tears in my eyes. But I did take those pictures. The first pictures after the accident while I was thinking that it were maybe the last pictures of the 4 of them together.

The first nights Janna slept with me in my bed… as far as we managed to sleep. I had intense conversations with her about the situation, what it meant, what the predictions were.
Besides taking care of Janna other practical things had to be taken care of: taking care/managing food for Kim and Armand at the hospital. In turn I, my parents, Kim and Armand’s neighbours and friends cooked diner for the them and took it to the hospital.

I drove to and from the hospital with Janna whenever she wanted to go to the hospital or whenever she wanted to leave the hospital. On behalf of Kim and Armand I cancelled all the appointments (dentist, doctor’s, etc.) scheduled for the next 2 weeks. But I also had to cancel the appointments concerning my own family. Our live also turned into a period without any certainties.

My husband Eric stayed with Kim at Meg’s bed during the second night so Kim and Armand and my parents were able to get some sleep as they were awake for almost 36 hours. The first weeks Kim, my parents and Armand were in turn at the hospital making sure that 24/7 a familiar person was with Meg and she was never alone. My parents are still very much involved with Meg’s medical rehabilitation now.

It’s been a year…. Now we are a family “before and after” the accident and we all have our own grief and worries as a result of the entire family-situation and therefor hard to share with each other.
Of course we also had beautiful, good moments and no doubts that there will be much more good, beautiful moments mostly based on Meg’s rehabilitation. She is doing such a great job!!!! Final destination is not in sight yet! x

Selina

A year ago

A year ago.. Friday June 6th started as a normal day for so many people, but it wasn't a normal day at the end. It changed a lot for Meg and our family but also for many other people. It started very early for me, getting up at 7 to continue working on wedding flowers. Janna joined me when I was going to deliver them. Meg was stil sleeping as they both had a day off from school as the school was closed. After delivering the flowers Janna and me went into Heerlen to buy new summer cloths for her. After lunch time we walked into a McDonalds for a milkshake, I stil remember the girl behind the couter asked if I was willing to buy a bracelet to support the Ronald McDonald houses in the NL. I bought 2 bracelets and we went home. Not realising I was going to stay in 3 of these houses since then. Back home Meg already left with her bicycle and her neigbour friend to the swimmingpool in the next village. The weather was sunny and her Hockey training was cancelled so she would be back at 18:00h. She never came home.

Janna called a friend and she I took them to the swimmingpool by car as Janna was too young to cycle without an adult. They were going to be picked upby the other mother as I was going to help in "Kasteelpark Born" (a zoo ) where they organised a dreamnight for families with disabled or sick children. I  was going to  be a voluenterer and felt with them. So I took a basket with my equipment and my camera and I took off,  ready to make kids happy. It started and when there was a calm moment I felt the urge to check my Phone. I had 6  or 7 missed calls from my husband and my family , sisters. brother's in law and even spoken messages. I didnot dare to listen to the message of My husband, even now I hesitate to listen to invoice messages.  I descided to call the last one whom called me, my sister Stannie. She said : "Kim Meg has had a car accident and it is bad, not good. They are talking about a Trauma helicopter....  Where are you? " I am in Born I replied... wait til some one picks you up. I said NO. I'll drive myself as that is faster as waiting ... so I took my stuff and informed the other felters, telling I had to go as my daughter was in an accident, they were shocked too, not knowing what to do or say;  just drive carefull! And that was something I did. I had a mantra: "Please Meg don't die you are strong, wait for me I'll be there soon. "Telling myself not to drive too fast no need to get involved in another accident. I stil remember a car keeping strict to the speedlimit.... so frustrating... but it avoided me getting a bill for going too fast...
At the hospital I drove into the carparkingbuilding at the same moment my two others sisters and Janna were passing me while driving to Emergency... I knew the way inside the hospital to get to the emergency. There me, Janna, my parents and my sisters, arrived at the same moment. We were taken to a seperate family room, where Armand was already there, he came along with the ambulance as he was at the accident site before the ambulance arrived. A doctor, named " drs.Engel"  = Angel  came in and told us that Meg was very critical injured and the chances were big she wasn't going to make it. I wanted to see her, could not believe it. We were taken to her in that special trauma room. unbelievable to see her laying there, eyes closed, wounds, tubes  a brainpressure pin in her head and lines everywhere. She was taken to the PICU and we were told the first 24 hrs were crusual to know if she would make it or not. We took turns in staying with her, Armand, her father, my mother, my father, Erik, my brotherin law. I think I laid down for only 4hrs or so, giving my body rest. Feeling so helpness. People all over the world starting lighting a candle for you, I believe no hour was without a flame for you.

They told us the brainpressure would rise after 24 hrs as that is the time a body needs to react to a crash. On Saturday the monitor showed us loads of things  Also that the brainpressure was increasing, something we were hoping and praying for not to happen. In the eve, the chirgeon talked with us, there was only one option: surgery, remove part of her skull go give way to the swallowing brains. When wil this surgery take place we asked? they said right after we walk out this door. Meg was already prepared to be transported to the surgeryrooms. I talked to meg telling her it is your choice to stay in this life, You must decide if you want to live in this body, which might not be doing the same as before, I let you go if you want to go. I love you but don;t want to hold you here if your time is up.  When you came back it was a succesful surgery, as the brainpressure was now more normal. But stil you were not in the safety zone... after 9 weeks PICU, you were placed in the Mediumcare section where you stayed 7 weeks, then we took of for 14 weeks to the Leijpark centre in Tilburg. And from December 18th you are staying in Adelante in Houthem- Valkenburg.

You came more far as the docs back then in the hopsital predicted. I do believe it is also due to the fact you were never really alone during daytime, I was with you most of the time, same as your grandmother and grandfather also your aunts and friends of us came and helped. A few weeks ago you asked where I was sleeping while you were in the hospital, I told you I was never far from you as I stayed in a Ronald mc Donald house conected to the hospital and same in Tilburg and now same in Houthem... you smiled now knowing I was always close to you dear Meg. Trying to give Janna some attention as wel, often feeling bad about not being able to split in two...

lefttop picu, lighting candles in the chapel of the hospital,
left down first MediumCare room, first room in Leijpark

I just looked back into the many pictures I took during your recovery until now. I am truely so proud of you the way you stil fight to learn the things again. Seeing the short films about you opening your eyes, smiling for the first time, keeping your head straight, turning over, moving your toe, pressing a button... and now just since a few weeks ago standing on your feet now and then, when making the transfer from bed to wheelchair. Everything stil takes lots of energy, but your willpower has never left you. <3 <3  <3
I try to stay as possitive as possible, looking back and wishing things were different doesnot help. That is not the energy we need. Looking too much in future is also not good as future is also as open as can be. It is what you make if it yourself. I need to remember that and keep trust in that things wil be fine. Trust in finding a place to live suitable for you, trust in getting a steady income again, trust to keep getting help, trust in finding a new life rhytm and landing in my emotions.

a picture made last week firts time you were wearing a headband again,
 you looked a lot like before <3

This evening Saturday June 6th 2015 we are going to celebrate life, by going to a concert from your percussionband group. A late in the evening visit for you, I really hope you wil enjoy it as you are looking forward to it for such a long time. Seeing and hearing your father and other people in your band play. Hope it wil do you good, I think you nowadays realise more and more what you cannot do anymore...

Last week we got good news! From this Monday June 8th you are going to be taking part in school again. a special school for children with special needs. For 1,5 hr a day between your therapy's. I do hope it is as expected for you. you really miss your freinds alot. Whom would have thought that you now were going back to school?  I am proud to be your and Janna's mother.

For Janna things are not easy as wel. She tries to get on with her life too, but she also misses you Meg and  me not being around at home. I love seeing you both lay together in bed and making fun like before, teasing each other, Love you dear Janna <3 <3 <3