Somethings are.....

just no coincidence. Or? You know right from the after the accident. I truely believed things really happen for a reason. Too many things to call it coincidence like:

The driver was twice as old as Meg was, came from a place we had to go for rehabilitation. He studied neurology, etc. The emergency docter was named "drs Engel " = angel in Dutch. A phone number of a paragnost, which I got from a lady, I never saw her back, after she gave me a card with the number including money to me... was it again an angel?  That visit gave me sttrength and hope. I can go on for a long time, even last week is it coincidence or not?

Since Monday June 8th 2015 Meg is going back to school again. Finally!! We  have been asking for it since March, She needs contact with same aged chidren and I was quirious to know if she was stil able to do maths or learn things like English etc. So on this Monday she went to this special Mythyl school on the same grounds as her clinic. Last year the accident was on Friday so she missed last weeks before the summervacation started. This year, exactly a year, later she is going back to school until the summervacation starts again. Continuing as if she never stopped at school... a sabbatical year. a closed circle, life goes on again.

We stil need to see how she wil do in class... can she stay focussed? Can she learn new things in her short term memory? She is now 2 hrs per day in the class with now 10 children aged 12-15 yrs, most of themb have epilepsy and look like 'normal' kids. Don' get me wrong here when I use the term 'normal' kids. For us we never had much/ close contact  or experience with children in wheelchairs  and their daily life with therapist, forms that need to be filled and every organisation asking for all medical infromation. (Where is her privacy???) We have fallen in a new small world a different society. The world of the disabled. And I never knew there are so many different disabilities but I am getting used to it. Also when going out with Meg, the behaviour of people is so (hopefully not on purpose)  rude. They ignore to react to their children when they say something about Meg out loud ... as if we cannot hear. Some think Meg is stupid, but she is not, she just cannot talk with her voice, Therefor she has the speaking computer. I always try to involve Meg in the talk.

The rehabilitation/ school area, is pretty "Safe" I mean people are used to see kids in wheelchairs, wearing braces, have spasm, etc. Harder is being in the "normal" places like our village , ( I never really realised how bad some pavements are) And crossing the railways? Not possible at the station... there are only stairs, so we need to walk to a road crossing section....

Last weekend we rented a wheelchaircar, it was a great feeling, this "freedom", in transport. Me driving her myself , not a stranger. I took her home on Friday as we had a surpriseparty organised for Armand 's 50th Birthday. He slept the night before his birthday at the hospital, (due to kidneypains) but he descided he was good enoug to have a party.  Janna baked him a special minion cake.

I took Meg back to the clinic to sleep. Even being at home confronting things happen. Simple thing like going into the garden.... not possible for Meg. We have steps and heightlevels in our garden. She didn't cry about it, but I saw on her face she forgot she cannot go :(

Sunday June 14th I was there again in the morning to pick her up. A delegation of the Hockey club she is stil a member of, came to visit her/ us. She smiled from ear to ear when she got a training vest with her name and club name on it. Plus training trousers too. No need to tell she wanted to wear them today ;-) Thank you!

After the summerstop we wil go and see a hockey game, for now the season has ended and I think it is also very confronting for her, plus transport is stil an issue.

In the afternoon we went to a performance of Janna's flamengo. She started in September and this was a show from all felmengo groups of her teacher. Amazing to see. Felt like being in Spain.

Janna  with a stunning hairstyle and dress in the middle. Proud <3

The gitar player , Rezar, said before he started playing an intro it was specially dedicated to Meg as he heard lots about her from his pupil Lucas. He played a special song called, "Volver" means coming back. Touching song and gesture, Thanks!
After dinner I took Meg back to her room in the clininc.. I was super tired. On Monday I slept 4 hours at a stretch between 11-15h, I really needed it, It wil be a calm week for me that I do know, no wild plans, hihihi.

Thursday June 18th we wil need to go to the hospital for a day. Finally Meg's PEG sonde is going to be removed. YES!! We waited also long for this to be removed. It wil be a simple small surgery, they say.... fingers crossed xxx. Again a little step to "like before but different"

We are now waiting for the insurance to give greenlight for a wheelchair van... and when they say Yes it wil most probably take another 3-4 months before we can actually drive in it....  :(

Meanwhil I lwant to make plans for the summertime, but so many things stil needs to be organised first,, sigh..  wel one day after another...

A first visit home part 2

Meg was very enthusiast going home. She told everyone who came to her about it, spelling it out on her letterboard or with her allora a speaking computer. But we had to keep it secret... I had promissed no other people No grandparents, no either one of my three sisters, no cousins or nephews, no friends. When I left Friday eve I said tomorrow I'll be here 15 minutes sooner as normal, 09:15 as I want you to be packed up for a ride.... Janna and me went to the appartment here in Houthem and we watched a movie and went to bed. I was awake every now and then, excited and afraid.... loads of questions and feeling of responsibility. What if  we don't do like I promissed? How wil you react?

Saturday February 7 th: I slept some, but was happy to be able to get up and have breakfast with Janna, Let's go !! While waiting for a nurse to open the door for us I took a deep breath, relax, Try not to mirror my feelings on Meg. When we came in the kitchen livingroom , Meg was eating a tosti made of a small bread :) Happy to see us as she knew what that meant, she kept an eye on the clock turning to it every now and then.... Yes nearly time Els would come....  Doorbell.... and who was there???

We packed you in warm in your wheelchair. My coat's back to the front, your own scarf and hat and your mascotte: your teddybear also had to go with you. Outside we watched how the bus opened its doors and you were rolled upon the electrical elevator. Inside your chair was clampsed to 4 sides and you also got a second seatbelt. Janna wanted to sit beside you, so I went to sit infront. During the ride I watched you now and then and you were smiling all the way. When we were closer to home you recognised more and more. Knowing you were nearly there.... Since June 6th you wasn't in Bunde, 7 months from home and that at your age ;-)

We stopped infront of the house and we took you out of the bus, Your father was awaiting us. We said goodbye til later to Els, and we went inside. Through our garage. Hearing the little bells when the door opened you knew yes that is the sound of home. I always knew when you were coming from school when I heard the bells Janna was talking and filming you, I took pictures and your father was pushing your wheelchair. We entered the house and were in the kitchen. I said let's try screaming of joy again!! You opened your mouth but again no sound but a big big smile... we drove you into the livingroom and you were looking at everything again, and pointing towards the pc.... No way we first celebrate with some cherrycake. so we sat at the table. you pointed out you wanted to be changed trousers. so back into the livingroom, lifted you onto the couch ( not good for our backs doing so often)  and changed your trousers.

I bet you overheard me telling the nurses I had an extra trouser along. I also bet you just did it on purpose so you could lay down on the couch  :) it is fine by me girl <3 then it was time for the cake. You ate half of it and then pointed again to the pc. You wanted to check your new facebook account and you wanted your cousin and grandfather to come. She helped you with fb. You chatted with Janna whom was 2 mtrs behind you with her laptop and some friends. Then it was time to go back home again. Time flew, but it was long enoug for you resting time.

The neigbours knew you were coming and were outside. You were smiling because of all the attention. It was already past 12:00h that was the moment you should have been back....  I drove off before as I had to pick up my keys. I had more plans for that Saturday.. I had to visit an open day from a school for Janna. no time for lunch.... finally you came back in the Valkhorst clinic and you were visuable tired (exhausted? ) I wanted to put you in bed but you had to get some lunch (which I heard you were too tired to eat),,, and I had to go. So we said goodbye in the doorway, Wishing you sweet dreams and a nice rest. In the afternoon when Janna and I came back to you, half hour later as normaal, giving you more rest. We all were very tired but played a cardgame. At 17:00h It is dinnertime and we have to leave you (rulles)  coming back at 18:30 after I had cooked dinner and sat down for a short time....  Janna was too tired and stayed in the appartment and I went alone to you we saw a movie (partly) and wrote everything down in your diary. Wishing you good night and sweet dreams. I got a huge hug and kiss from you <3

What a day it must have been for you! I just imagine myself not being home for 7 months and coming home for just 2 hours and having to go back again..... I know you like it in the Valkhorst clinic from Adelante, but still. When will you be allowed to be at home for a longer time????  Like past 7 months it is just live by the day and no longterm plans. You are the leading Lady. First see how you react to this visit and then we will know....

Tomorrow part 3 the after visit.

A first visit home part 1.

Dear Meg an Janna,
Last week I was thinking it was really going to be time to get you, Meg,  at home. I didn't mind if it was only for few hours, I just wanted you to see and experience yourself that it was still there, Other patients from Leijpark whom I still have contact with their mothers were already at home during the weekend, So why not you?  Your rehabilitation doctors  are very careful. They are afraid you would fall backwards in your upgoing curve. How wil you react? What does it do to you? Will you realise things which were common to do, are not able now? Like walking, like running the stairs into the garden,  Like using your left arm and hand, like talking. Even eating is not something which happens in a reflex, you need to be remembered you need to swallow while eating, otherwise you start couching.
I asked them and your "mentor "nurse, many times last few weeks when you were able to come home. I was asked questions like:

• What do you do to keep family and friends away from home? As do not forget a visit is a HUGE impact for Meg, just being at home. Memories come back by the typical fragrances, sounds and things. My answer was we will keep it a secret she will be visiting, ofcourse people would see when a wheelchair bus is in the street......  And we wil pullout the doorbell, keep the gate closed,
• Is it possible to enter the house with a wheelchair? Not that she is there and cannot enter the house... Through the gate around the back of the house that was not a problem. We had different people in the house before, so that was tested already. 
• What do you need to take care of Meg? Medicins, personal care supplies? I said she does not get any medicins during the day now and her liquid food is attatched after lunch, so that was the time she needed to be back. I just wanted a special towel and pants, just in  case... 
• What will you do if she needs to lay down for a change of her pants? We wil lift you up with the two of us and lay you down on the couch. do what we have to do and lift you back in the wheelchair again. 
• How do you transport her? I was happy to say a good friend whom has a wheelchair bus offered us to drive Meg. So very sweet of her, Thanks Els! No need to ask for a wheelchair taxi with a stranger as driver.  

Thursday February 5th, I asked  again for taking you home this weekend in the morning and after your rest,  Meg,  I answered the question in the kitchenlivingroom, while you were sitting in the other livingroom, drawing. The answers I gave were "examened" by the doctors and when you were explaining your drawing to me with your lettercard, You drew our house, pointed out your window of your room and drew the four of us infront of the house, even the flowerbaskets we always have under the window . You stil remembered very well how it looked. 

The nurse came back telling us we got permission to visit home for 2 hours, we had to be back at 12 and no other people around... I had to promiss it! But I was happy to do so. Meg heard it too and if she was a light we would have been blind! She was shining with her whole being. Intens happy she was allowed to go home after all these months.

I had to warn her it was only a visit, we had to come back here in Adelante.  How cruel it would be letting her think she would go home for longer stay..... She understood as she hold her thumb up. I was sooo happy I could have been shouting it out of joy, something which I tried with Meg . Let's shout I said. let them hear how happy you are :) She opened her mouth, but no sound :(  but we just keep the faith it wil come back.... 

Tomorrow part 2 of the  visit. Need to go to Meg now